Witze-Thread (ich find den anderen nicht)

[galway0309]

Ein Autofahrer fährt schon stundenlang in Dublin auf der Suche nach einem Parkplatz. Voller Verzweiflung wendet er sich an den Herrn im Himmel: "Bitte hilf mir einen parkplatz zu finden, ich werde auch dann jeden Sonntag in die kirche gehen und auf Whiskey verzichten." Dann wie von Geisterhand taucht nach der nächsten Ecke ein freier Parkplatz auf. Darauf der Fahrer, den Kopf zum Himmel gewandt:"Brauchst dich nicht mehr zu bemühen, ich habe schon einen gefunden."

[CEWG]

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"

[CEWG]

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"


"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"

[CEWG]

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moments hesitation.
He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.
The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.
The robber yelled, Well, did anyone else see my face?
There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak.
Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said, My wife got a pretty good look at you.

[ThievingMagpie]

[ThievingMagpie]

If you marry one woman,
She will fight with you.

But, if you marry 2 women,
They will fight for you.

Think different.

Add wife, have life

In diesem Sinne, ein frohes Neues.

[ThievingMagpie]

A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Her mum replies 'No, because she is in heat.'

'What does that mean?' asked the child.

'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.'

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'






(You'll love this!!!!!!!!!)



















The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

[ThievingMagpie]

[SirStippl]

wie erkennt man einen Iren in der Waschanlage ??
Ein Mann auf einem Motorrad !!

der ist aber sowas von platt...

[Dairbhre]

An American tourist was boasting to a Kerryman about the fact that the Americans had just put a man on the moon.
That's nothing', said the Kerryman, we have plans to land a man on the sun'.
That's crazy', said the American, 'he would burn to a cinder before he got within a million miles of the sun'.
'We've thought of that too', said the Kerryman, 'we're sending him at night'.